Battlefields #2, 3 & 4

Yes, I realize that our Horn Creek Week was two weeks ago but I feel a need to complete my battlefield posts, and to explain the difficulty we seemed to have. #2: My Career. It isn't often I feel unaccomplished. But HC week seemed determined to undermine my position as a mother and home-maker in that there were several new moms who had highly successful careers, and an old friend pointedly said that someone who writes and critiques books needs to 'know what they're doing', yada-yada-yada, after I offered to read his literary work. I felt verbally slapped. I love being home with Lillian, cooking meals for Paul, even cleaning up toys, laundry, and making beds; but I suddenly felt the ever-present battle of mom's everywhere in the United States who endeavor to live ruby-ish'ly within the blessings (and accused confines) of their homes. This is my conclusion: (although the sting of such comments and realizations have left a minimal scar), the art of working in the home is under attack because it was set aside by God as precious work. While the comment was, I'm sure, not intended to be hurtful, the devil used it as a weapon to make me question the goodness and respectability of my work. In my efforts to prevent a foot-hold from being formed I have practiced 'talking to myself' with the council and attitude of Ruth. She worked selflessly, toiled laboriously, and was blessed by God, and deemed a worthy woman. This is my goal within my home, as a mom/wife/home-maker/etc. #3: My Child. Oh my goodness! I just can't explain how difficult Lillian was at camp. She didn't sleep, so I didn't sleep. She fussed, cried, complained, pouted, wiggled, and cried even more. In the middle of one night she became completely unhinged, crying inconsolably. When I started crying I sent Paul for my mom. My mom came in, took Lillian and rocked her to sleep and had her stay the night in her cabin. My confidence as a mom was completely shaken and I felt sorely defeated. The devil was quick to add this to the rest of the troubles of the week! #4: My Marriage. Paul and I fought most of the week. While the sleeping arrangements, out-of-sorts child, and other battles raging, may have had a hand in our crankiness with one another, it was surely the straw that broke the proverbial camel's poorly supported back. I'm sure there are many a married woman like myself who is so much more capable of handling messes when we are in unity with our husbands. It is the opposite when Paul and I are arguing. In all honesty, I felt broken under the weight of such a week of poor fellowship, sleep deprivation, and the like. I was truly humbled in my inability to keep it together and had to go before the Lord more broken than I've been in a while. He is faithful to rebuild our hearts and hopes, and that is the main lesson I've learned from 'Freak Week'. He is constant when all our silly, balanced plates come falling down. He is Faithful when the serious battles of life leave us torn, seemingly-defeated, and hurt. Our God is good, and that's something to remember!