Hope and Victory

I marvel at our tendencies to fight sin, then hide that we ever waged the war we did.  I fall victim daily to the pride of wanting to hide my struggle, or the prideful wondering if I should even share it.  If God has given me victory, is it up to me to decide not to share His glory over my life? I have written before of my struggle with anorexia.  It is a consuming, self serving pride in my heart.  Vanity of vanities. How many women deal with various forms of eating obsessions, and don't know how to stop, to instead pursue holiness in our perception of self?  Truth be told, I don't know yet if I will ever have a day where I don't face those thoughts.  The creeping self-doubt or loathing that tempts me to manipulate, control, and give undue effort to a body that will last only a few years despite any attempts on my part.  The thoughts are there.  The tendency to analyze food beyond health values and life benefits. But let me share with you His glorious victory in an ongoing battle.  He gently reminds my daily of who He is. He is God and He has created me, fashioned me.  I am a product of the effort of the hands of God!  Why do I even spend time thinking about myself at all?  He has gifted me health. I exercise daily, tend children, think cleverly, laugh frequently.  God is good and I live a blessed life by His hand.  My body is a tool in my day and God has blessed my hands with work and the ability to complete it.  These reminders put food in perspective; the shape and, ahem weight, of my body is nothing when I compare the greatness and goodness of God against it's purpose.  Some days it isn't easy.  I find myself allowing the world to have greater influence than it should.  The world says we are only beautiful if we measure to a certain standard.  Am I alone in the realm of worrying if I am compared, and if I am, how well I compete?  Or perhaps you share the battle of when we are compared and don't meet someone's expectations, the disappointment or embarrassment of being too old, too large, or any other detail we choose to pick at.  Our God is great.  He is Awesome.  And, like I whisper to my precious children every day and night, He has fearfully and wonderfully made us.  When my mind is attacked with these false issues of life, I remind myself of His Truths.  His Words.  It is by His Truth that I am able to experience daily victory.  My mind is set free from comparison, worry, self-destructive behavior, and outside influence only by His Truth of my design and purpose.  If you were to see me today you could ask me what time of day I waged war for Christ's perspective.  It may have been once, or every five minutes, but alongside my struggles of vanity I could share a matching expression of Christ's love and outpouring over me for each time.  And someday, by the grace of a Saviour not content with leaving me to my sin, I won't have to struggle.  I will encounter an eternal victory over my earthly war.  Hope and Victory.  What could be better than that?

Gifts

It is our desire to emphasise Christ during the Christmas season within our home, to our children.   We minimize the theology of gift-getting and focus our daily Christmas conversation on Christ's amazing gift of Jesus, and why He was, or rather is, such a precious gift.  BUT, this year I was blessed by several wonderful gift that were more than what they seemed.  They blessed my heart with their thoughtfulness, their usefulness, and by acknowledging my inner bents and situation in life.  Shall I share?

One:  IPod Touch from my Husband.
     I am NOT technologically Savvy, or even interested BUT this gift has blessed me.  I struggle with the whole concept of nursing.  I love how it helps my babes, and I LOVE the idea of giving them the very best I possibly can.  My body doesn't agree and maintaining a milk supply takes serious effort and time on my part.  I get up at 4.30 nearly every morning to pump, feed throughout the day, and stay up until 11 to pump again.  I have researched and  am on a first name basis with La Leche League, but to no avail.  There seems to be no easy answer to my inability to produce sufficient quantities of milk.  How does a gadget help?  I play games when I nurse and pump.  I have always felt trapped when I have to stop everything and stay still, sitting on the couch for up to half an hour.  I suppose I'm just a wiggler by nature.  SOOO, the touch keeps me occupied.  It keeps me from getting stressed and irritable.  And it's pink. What can I say? My man knows me.

Two: A sweet new Vacuum from my parents.
      My sisters got jewelry.  I got a vacuum.  And I am CRAZY about it.  I have three dogs, a bird who molts incessantly, three children (one who lives to spit up on every surface possible), and a husband, who despite incredible efforts,  would still qualify as 'messy'.  On top of things, neatness doesn't come natural to me.  Lately I have felt overwhelmed by my inability to stay on top of things.  Laundry is a crazy situation all it's own, my kitchen is in constant use, and our house is set up in such a way that we play where we live, and therefor must live amongst toys, etc. without space for reprieve. Our old vacuum was loud, and fairly inefficient, and it took careful planning in our schedule to find time to clean when it wouldn't scare the tarnations out of our kids.  BUT NOW, I can vacuum with my top of the line, super efficient, incredibly quiet vacuum whenever I please, and oh the wonders it does!  I was severely humbled after the first time I used it, and it took some time to feel like an adequate mother again, but I've recovered.

Three:  IPad with Keyboard from my husband.
     It was an expensive Christmas, and my husband has reminded me several times that I will need to wait another 8 years for a Christmas like this one.  I love to write.  I hold no vanity to my literary dribble, but I love it. Writing allows my soul to breath.  I also harbor a desire to someday be able to bless my family financially through writing of some sort.  Unfortunately, my life demands more of my time and thought than can be spared for writing.  It takes more than a few minutes here and there to put my heart to paper in a way that I feel expresses me correctly.  The needs of children who not only need me, but adore me and vie for my attention, shall I say constantly, tax me physically and mentally and leave me strapped for focused thought.  BUT, the portability and convenience of a handy-dandy writing tool, helps.  Combining grocery and to do lists, research and writing tools pieces together multiple aspects of my life and spares me those few extra minutes to pen a thought.  At least in theory.  And there is hope in theory.