Consider A Recent Thought

I must confess that life as a Mother has created a luscious feeding ground for one of my greatest struggles in life. The all-too-simple word 'loneliness' has the power to constrict hearts at the mere mention of it's name and send many of us into socialization overdrive. I feel a person would be hard pressed to find many people in the world who cannot identify with the debilitating feelings of loneliness. But, please consider something with me for a moment. In my experience as a young lady, women, wife, mother, friend, teammate, etc. I have found my greatest strength has come in the time of deepest sense of seclusion. It has become, even more in recent years, my Alli, my spiritual thermometer of sorts, to re-examine my selfish sense of entitlement and remind me of the great and glorious riches of Christ my Savior and instill in my heart a renewed humility as a child of God. Loneliness is not a sin in and of itself but in my life it has led to many selfish endeavors or self licensing of poor character and action. The isolation I have battled over the years has provided fodder for an eating disorder, poor friendship and boyfriend choices, and family disputes and it has taken 27 years for the light bulb to click. I feel the most lonely when I have neglected my 'daily discipline' of knowing the Lord better. It may be through watery study, shallow and neglected prayer, or an alarming lack of reverence and understanding of Who my Lord Jesus is and who I am before Him. Loneliness ought not send us first to our calendars to reconfigure times to interact more often with others, or send us out on the town in search of companionship, or some other 'filler'. It should rather direct us to deeply consider what is making us feel alienated from friends, family or society. For me, the answer is consistently that I have forgotten, or chosen to ignore (either passively or aggressively), that I am a sinner in the worst way and the only thing of value in me is the Lord Jesus Christ. He has created character that matters, He has re-formed my heart to love in a way I was incapable of before, to pray with an earnestness that is not my own. When I feel lonely it is because I have examined my life with selfish eyes and feel I deserve better from friends, family, my husband, life. I haven't died to myself during that time and asked the Lord to give me fresh eyes to see my existence properly, as a sinner saved by grace, operating in a world of other sinners who need to see the Grace of God. When I have been honest before the Lord and allowed myself to be truthful about the depth of my own depravity in light of God's Holiness, I am simply grateful He has given me even more blessing and not destroyed me on the spot. It has been my recent challenge to see myself as a servant of God, deserving nothing (while still gaining so much), and having no selfish claim over my life, my time, my relationships, or my heart. This new gift of Grace in my life has given me a complete sense of freedom over lonesomeness.

I know that we live in world that survives under the burden of loneliness like a cloud. The pain of alienation runs so deep for so many that it's often overwhelming and drags many down into a cycle of depression and other self-destructive behaviors and patterns. The only lasting answer in the world is a relationship with Jesus Christ. He can give each person a peace, a calm, when the attack of loneliness looms overhead. If you can relate to my struggle I encourage you to examine your heart. Are you like me and allow loneliness to lead you into bad choices? or do you choose to allow the Lord to either fill that loneliness, or give you a peace in the midst of it? And through His process, The Lord will begin creating a deep sense of trust in a beautiful, fruitful relationship with Him.

***please forgive the many errors and incomplete thoughts in this post. I must confess that moments for deep thought blogging have been sparse the last few months but this was a lesson that the Lord has put before me in recent times and I was eager to share my personal revelation, albeit rushed and amateur.